These last few months have been painful. I cant imagine what it must actually feel like to have a heart attack. The pain and fear associated with not knowing if you are going to survive or not…. The should of’s, could of’s, would of’s but didn’t’s all seem to race back to your memory. The pain is so unbearable you barely can get a word out to call for help. All you can do is grab the origin of where the discomfort is coming from, your heart. I’ve been a nurse for 11 1/2 years and we are taught that the symptoms of a Heart attack are: shortness of breath, the discomforting feeling like an elephant is sitting on your chest and pain radiating down your left arm.
In this year alone, I have experienced multiple spiritual heart attacks. Life has seemed somewhat unbearable numerous times. Before I could catch my breath YET another thing happened. I felt like I was being crushed by the weight of the world. At times if felt almost impossible to raise my hands to give God praise in spite of it all. I am not a “religious” type person that will give you the OVERsanctified response that I have a READY praise on my lips at all times. Depending on the heaviness of my circumstance, my praise can be a little delayed (nano-seconds..but I have a moment of weakness before I get there). Sometimes LIFE can be just a little too much to handle and the pain and fear of the unknown demands your immediate attention. Clouding your GOOD judgement, overshadowing you knowledge and expertise. No matter what degree, title or level of experience you have, the circumstances and perspective is different when you become the patient. Its a well known fact that doctors and nurses are the worst patients. It seems we know it all, self diagnose and want to treat ourselves. Its not until we find ourselves helpless, flat on our backs, totally at the mercy of another’s compassion and ability do we finally receive the treatment we need to survive. The same goes for spiritual leaders.
Heart attacks dont come out of thin air. There are symptoms of a build up that can be detected well in advance of an attack. Like the majority of the world, we dont get examined as often as we should and ignore all the signs that can lead to death. Now I found myself in a situation where all I could do was grab the area that was hurting the most. Unable to speak life and hesitant on my praise. I quickly found myself on a gurney being rushed by Angels into open heart surgery by the master Himself…I knew I only had moments to live. All of my knowledge and experience as a nurse and as an encourager wasnt going to help me at this time. The more I tried to take control, the worse my situation got.
My pulse was weak, I was losing blood and going in and out of consciousness. Something was wrong. A Nitro pill to stop the pain wasnt working, everything Natural that I’ve used in the past wasnt working. My pain and damage was too far advanced for the OBVIOUS to work. I needed an intrusive internal invasion in my life. He made a decision, He loved me enough to do the unthinkable. He stripped me before everyone to see and began cutting into my flesh. There was no time to medicate. He had to protect His investment. I didnt heed to the warnings, He couldnt be nice about it. I would just have to suffer through it, TRUSTING He would make it all better.
EXPOSED, VULNERABLE, SUSCEPTIBLE to OPPORTUNISTIC INFECTIONS and PREDATORS, on the VERGE of DEATH, He performed open heart surgery on me. SCRAPING out my arteries so that the blood can flow once again. CUTTING and REMOVING all the veins that were totally clogged, unusable, damaging me more than helping me. I cried and screamed like I was being tortured as He ripped away relationships that have been their for eternity. I fainted a few times when he cut the vital organs that was necessary for me to function. No job, no income, no stability. I watched in amazement as He held my heart in His hand and used His tears to clean me and fill my veins. I began to cry thinking about how He loved me so much, He gave me another chance. He blew on my heart and it started to beat once again. HE serenaded me with His promises as He restored my life.
RIGHT where I fell, RIGHT where I hurt, RIGHT in the middle of SPECTATORS, RIGHT in the process of PURSUING my Destiny, He rescued me….
HE watches over his Word…..Open Heart Surgery is necessary to strengthen you for the Fight of your life